she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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