if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
