the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You're like the curious george of whores
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
