hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
