Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
