Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
