Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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