i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
