I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
