i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
