you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
