I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
