It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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