she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
