I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
