I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
