Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
