He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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