I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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