So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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