so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
