When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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