I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
