Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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