I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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