I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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