A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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