Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
