Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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