I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
