He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
