there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
