I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
