I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
