is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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