He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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