What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
