Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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