Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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