Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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