i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
