mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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