Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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