So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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