So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
