its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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