to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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