I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
