My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
