We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
